Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
