dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
