There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
