Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
