Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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