found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
