I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
