Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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