we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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