dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
