He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
