im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
