They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's blow job season.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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