I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
