I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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