I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Less talking, more tequila
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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