People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
