I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
