can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
