i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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