I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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