Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize