My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
