I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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