please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize