So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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