I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
All I want is dick and wine.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
