i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
