Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
And then he peed in my hair
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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