Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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