i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
