buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
