they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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