I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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