This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
