Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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