sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
