If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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