I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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