I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
