Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
