I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We left an ass print on the piano.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
