Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
