Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
