I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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