Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
no, he came in my armpit
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
