Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
