We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
