Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
