If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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