They should really pass out barf bags in church
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
