i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize