do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
