On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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