I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
