i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
