Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
