I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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