I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize