So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
