ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
